BSRD74 – Handling The Fear

lookouttruckThere is a saying that says that the light at the end of the tunnel is sometimes an oncoming train. I would like to add to that by saying that if you are way ahead of the curve, you are probably on the wrong side of the road and are about to get hit head on.

That’s how I feel right now, like I have been hit head on by the Karma truck. I don’t know what I did, but 2 weeks ago I felt like I was almost back to 100%, my back was fine, I was working out, sleeping well and everything was perfect. Then I spent a day at the computer for work and suddenly I am 10 days into a recovery that isn’t going anywhere. It is serious enough that I mentioned it to my surgeon during the follow up. He basically ignored my complaint but he did say if it happened again to go back. I feel like if someone goes to a doctor and tells them that they got bitten by a rabid dog the answer probably wouldn’t be “if it happens again, come back”. In fact, I am having a hard time reconciling that attitude with any condition. Still, I trusted him (something I said I would never do after the last surgery) and here I am. In the mornings my back is so painful that I can’t stand up. It takes at least 10 minutes for my list to go away, and it’ s as pronounced as it used to be when my back was completely out. I can’t find a solution as far as how to lay down or sit since both seem to be making me sore. The worst thing about it is that after an hour or so of moving around, I feel OK, in fact, I feel pretty good but I can’t bring myself to do anything workout wise in case I actually have a damaged incision or internal scarring that I may make worse. I am officially in limbo.

I certainly can’t go on waking up this way, it’s just too painful, so much so that I have gone through my last few percocet during the last 2 weeks which I swore I would not do. I am not sure what to do and how much time to give the issue to resolve.

I have had this pain before during this rehab as noted here:

I woke up today, Sunday, and found that my back was mysteriously sore. I didn’t really do much yesterday, we went to Wonderland but only walked for about 30 mins with lots of resting and sitting. I also didn’t do my regular walk since Saturday and Sunday are my walking rest days so I am not sure what the deal is. The thing that is scary is that the pain isn’t incision pain, it’s tight muscular pain that in the past has led to the disc compression. So I am understandably cautious this morning.

However that was back on day 20, I am now on day 74 and forgive me for thinking that I should be past this.

I am going to keep walking and of course, working my 4 hour days this week and I will report on Monday how I am. If I am still in the grips of this issue then I am deciding right now that on Monday I will call the surgeon and schedule an appointment.

Round 2. Day 6. Pain. I has it.

I did Kenpo during the day today because I knew what I was in for. When I got up this morning my legs were like jello. I knew from the familiar feeling of apathy from my muscles that today was going to go down hill in a hurry. I tried to rush to get some of the house sorting done, installing the full size speakers in the basement to facilitate drowning out Tony on demand. I built some Ikea shelves by which time I could feel my legs starting to firm up and bring the surge of pain to the fore. I struggled to crank out Kenpo, my favourite workout and by the end I felt almost optimistic about my chances of being able to survive the night. However, after recovering on the couch for about an hour I tried to get up to head to the washroom and it hit me.

The pain.

He brings it... I has it...

The searing, unending tidal wave of masochistic payback from yesterday’s hour of lunges. It was like my veins were filled with molten lava flowing through every fiber of my lower boday scorching the nerve paths and blood vessels as it went.

Everything from the waist down hurt. I couldn’t stand up, I certainly couldn’t walk anywhere and for a brief moment I actually thought I was about to collapse. It was fortunate that I had predicted this outcome however the scale of the problem was immeasurably more immense. I lay back on the couch, cursed Tony and reached for the advil that I had cleverly left on a small table, within reach of my now semi-permanent home.

I’ll get you Tony. Just as soon as I can stand up again.

Tomorrow is Superbowl Sunday and since I will be building Ikea furniture all day and no doubt contorting myself into ridiculous positions, drill in hand, I am assuming I will not be working out. I think after today that may be a good idea. I’ll be back to do Chest and Back on Monday.