BSRD74 – Handling The Fear

lookouttruckThere is a saying that says that the light at the end of the tunnel is sometimes an oncoming train. I would like to add to that by saying that if you are way ahead of the curve, you are probably on the wrong side of the road and are about to get hit head on.

That’s how I feel right now, like I have been hit head on by the Karma truck. I don’t know what I did, but 2 weeks ago I felt like I was almost back to 100%, my back was fine, I was working out, sleeping well and everything was perfect. Then I spent a day at the computer for work and suddenly I am 10 days into a recovery that isn’t going anywhere. It is serious enough that I mentioned it to my surgeon during the follow up. He basically ignored my complaint but he did say if it happened again to go back. I feel like if someone goes to a doctor and tells them that they got bitten by a rabid dog the answer probably wouldn’t be “if it happens again, come back”. In fact, I am having a hard time reconciling that attitude with any condition. Still, I trusted him (something I said I would never do after the last surgery) and here I am. In the mornings my back is so painful that I can’t stand up. It takes at least 10 minutes for my list to go away, and it’ s as pronounced as it used to be when my back was completely out. I can’t find a solution as far as how to lay down or sit since both seem to be making me sore. The worst thing about it is that after an hour or so of moving around, I feel OK, in fact, I feel pretty good but I can’t bring myself to do anything workout wise in case I actually have a damaged incision or internal scarring that I may make worse. I am officially in limbo.

I certainly can’t go on waking up this way, it’s just too painful, so much so that I have gone through my last few percocet during the last 2 weeks which I swore I would not do. I am not sure what to do and how much time to give the issue to resolve.

I have had this pain before during this rehab as noted here:

I woke up today, Sunday, and found that my back was mysteriously sore. I didn’t really do much yesterday, we went to Wonderland but only walked for about 30 mins with lots of resting and sitting. I also didn’t do my regular walk since Saturday and Sunday are my walking rest days so I am not sure what the deal is. The thing that is scary is that the pain isn’t incision pain, it’s tight muscular pain that in the past has led to the disc compression. So I am understandably cautious this morning.

However that was back on day 20, I am now on day 74 and forgive me for thinking that I should be past this.

I am going to keep walking and of course, working my 4 hour days this week and I will report on Monday how I am. If I am still in the grips of this issue then I am deciding right now that on Monday I will call the surgeon and schedule an appointment.

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