Day 33 – The Fear. The Choice.

Legs and Back.

Note the opposite twist to the natural hip position. Ouch!

Note the opposite twist to the natural hip position. Ouch!

I was thinking last night after I finished Yoga that one of the main reasons that people fail at sticking to thing such as diets, a workout plan, a 90 day torture session like P90X is fear. I have heard this a lot in the past and it never really made sense to me until now. I am not habitually fearful. I have a confidence in myself that replaces that fear. I get nervous, sure, and there are times when I think that my bravery may exceed my capabilities but I am usually fine with that. However, as time passes and I get older and wiser that fear has started to creep into my life. It is not unexpected given what I have been through with my back I suppose. If I were someone else I would think it is perfectly reasonable to be fearful given my circumstances. But last night during Yoga I realized that the reason I have stuck with this program so far and the reason that I have made such good progress with my flexibility and Yoga is that I refuse to acknowledge the fear in my head. Since my surgery I have lived in pain, it is not something that I like to talk about because I am sure to most people it just sounds like the complaining of a lazy fat guy. However, living in constant pain teaches you how to avoid any additional pain and the one thing I have mastered is staying on the right side of that extra pain line. However, I realized yesterday that the buffer between me and that line is a lot wider than I imagined. In fact, that line is WAAAAAAAY further than I thought it was. Sure, I have discomfort ( I call it pain, but in reality in comparison to ACTUAL pain it is just an inconvenience) but so far I have not caused myself an additional pain. As I went into Twisting Triangle pose last night I thought to myself that only a few weeks ago there is no way I would have tried something like that. Not only would I have thought it physically impossible but I would have assumed that I would twist my spine and like a bent paperclip it would never return to it’s original shape again. When it comes to my back my fear has ruled the roost and up until now it has served me well but I think it is about time that I realize that I may in fact be capable of more than I ever thought possible. Of course, if I manage to put my back out during this 90 days I will come back here and curse myself for my recklessness however one good thing about that fearlessness I spoke of earlier, it always means you will get back on that horse one more time.

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