I had to laugh when I re-read my last post, my optimism about my weight was so cute… When I decided I needed to cut a bit again it was because at work I had weighed in for the Biggest Loser contest at a whopping 248lbs. Being that close to 250 was a real wake up call for me and although I had clothes on when I got home and weighed myself the next day I discovered I was up at 244lbs almost 18lbs up from my lowest last year. Granted I am a bit bigger than I was back then muscle-wise but it was not something that I am proud of. This is how messed up my head is… I didn’t want to post the actual weight that I was nor the %BF which was 22% because I didn’t want to fail. I was actually nervous that this time it may not work and I would be embarrassed at my failing. I have been doing this a long time and by now I should know that if you follow the process, then it works.
The Process:
Decide – Force yourself to be ready. Decide you are going to do what it takes, no excuses, and accept the voice in your head is a liar.
Plan – Be confident and aggressive, use your initial enthusiasm to help kick start your effort
Execute – Step by step execution. Sleep is your friend, you can’t eat when you are asleep 🙂
I was lucky in that this time off from coaching coincided with some time off work which meant that I could be active during the day, installing microwaves and waterproofing the deck etc. Since the cards were dealt in my favour I went for it. That was about a week ago. I have worked out every day, using rest days to do some cardio to give my muscles a rest. I benched 375 at the gym for the first time in a while this week so something is going right. Part of my commitment was to use my Fitbit app to track my calories and even for someone with my experience it is absolutely critical to track what I eat if I am going to succeed.
So how am I doing so far?
Yesterday I weighed in at 236 but that was after the gym, this morning I was back up to 237.8 which is almost 7lbs down in a week. My BF% has fallen from the 22% 2 weeks ago to approximately 20.5% and although the impedance scale is not necessarily a great or accurate measure, the trend is definitely in the right direction. I have taken a couple of pictures during the process but I will wait until the 2 weeks are done to post anything. The difference in how I feel is amazing though, I am starting to get that “light on my feet” feeling back again which may be due to the cardio I have been doing but may also be due to what I am seeing in the mirror.
Which brings me to another point.
I have body dysmorphia. It’s something that isn’t recognized as a disease like anorexia and I don’t think it should be so please don’t get me wrong. But it exists in a large percentage of the population who regularly go to the gym and is rampant among males who lift weights. It’s like looking at yourself through a Snapchat filter that makes you smaller. No matter what you see, you will always think that you are smaller than you are. I was looking at a guy in the gym the other day thinking that he was a pretty big guy and how I wished I was that size when it occurred to me to make a direct comparison. So I wandered over looking all casual and spent a few minutes in the same area making comparisons.
I was bigger than him in almost every way.
But still the sting of envy coursed through my veins. It’s a very odd feeling knowing that you are not seeing reality but it’s something that I have had to deal with all my life. My method of getting around my neuroses is to use the hard facts. Numbers like weight, BF% and measurements are my friend and of course pictures where you can make a direct comparison to other pictures also help. It’s a struggle to try to see things as they are but it’s something I am working on.