Scared To Death & The Drop.

Saturday I was doing deadlifts, form was good, weight was only 185, well within my limits when I set to pull and something popped in my back.

Those of you who have paid attention will know I have a long history of back pain and issues along with 2 major surgeries. I am very familiar with pain and what kind goes with what issue and I instantly knew this was nerve pain. That could only mean one thing, a disc herniation or some form of impingement. The surprising thing was that this was on the left side of my back, the opposite side from normal. I froze in a combination of pain and fear, knowing that the future of this kind of injury has only one logical conclusion. I searched in vain for my “back pills” a miracle fix me up called Arthrotec but I had none. My last back issue was before my last surgery around April of 2013 so even if I had some they would probably not be much good. I knew the only thing I could do was lay down and allow my back to rest, trying not to let the whole rear chain seize up in sympathy. This was where there lay a glimmer of hope. When I used to have problems the first thing that would happen is called a list, your whole body from your hips to your shoulders takes a sharp right turn. Oddly in the 20 years I have had back problems I have just one single picture of this event. back out again sep 13 05In the picture I am standing as straight as I can. As you can see, the list is severe, moving my entire upper body 6 inches across to the side. On Saturday there was plenty of pain, but no list. I knew the pain was nerve pain so this was confusing, adding to my paranoia and fear. Oh, and a rage that exceeds all reasonable bounds of human decency.

It’s at that point that I started to bargain with my body and promise that if this would just go away that I would promise no more heavy weights, no more body weight over 250lbs etc etc. I spent the next 2 days in a hazy pain killer induced fog popping anti inflammatories like candy in the hope that I would magically (and against all logic) make a full recovery. It was Easter, my health had died on the cross and the atheist karma finally came to fruition when on the third day it didn’t magically rise from the dead. However, it did make a significantly better recovery than I would have ever expected.

This was going to go one of 2 ways, either I would be significantly better, pointing to a possible ligament / tendon issue rather than a disc herniation or I would be crippled and pencilling in my third back surgery. I am fortunate to be able to sit here in chronic pain but with mobility rather than laying on the floor unable to move. Things could definitely be worse.

But it’s time to pay the ferryman.

I have been ambling towards a vague weight goal, my cut was more of an avoidance tactic for hitting 265lbs than a specifically targeted loss strategy.

I had increased during my fall strength / bulk and although I don’t have my stats sheet here I would think that as some point I was cruising around +30lbs or about 262lbs. My cut as it stands had me around 250lbs at one point right before I started with the creatine again and now I think I am about 255. But the time is a factor and I would like to see a 20lbs drop in about 2 months from now. That would put me back at 230-235 which is a weight I can live with. But I need to get this done ASAP in order to get as much unnecessary strain off my back as I can. 20lbs doesn’t sound like a lot but it’s a ton when it’s on your body.

So for the next few weeks it will be maintenance workouts, cut style diet and a firm eye on 235lbs. In 3 weeks it’s the Orangeville gymnastics competition, I would hope that I can make it to 245 before then, maybe even 240 if I push a bit.

Let me just state for the record, the last few days I have been scared out of my mind over what may happen. Regardless of how many times this has happened to me, it’s still a terrifying ordeal when your body betrays you.

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